This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
sarcasm needs its own font
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
