Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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