I wanna bring you to show and tell
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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