I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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