plz talk dirty to me
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
