I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
