dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
