They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
