i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
