"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
