I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
