You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Randomize
