The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
