"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
No subtext here. People are naked.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
