The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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