dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
