He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
