fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
