Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
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