there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
