yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
