Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
i think i just lost a toe
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
