Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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