i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
