i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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