Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
