fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize