Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Found the puke drawer
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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