omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
There are leaves in my underwear?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
