Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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