I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
