i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
