2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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