Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
