Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I lost the right to judge tonight
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
