Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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