You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
