great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
