it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
My day in three words: secret purse cake
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I need to align my fucking chakras
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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