So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
