She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
