Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
