You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
