What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
