how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
