My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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