It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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