She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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