i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
