Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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