grandma shit on top of the toilet
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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