i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
