so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
