my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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