so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Randomize
