buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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