Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
