garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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