I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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