I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
