Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
