dude i'm inner monologue high
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
