Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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