apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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