Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
