you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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